Neighborliness
UU Fellowship of Midland, MI
October 2, 2005
Jane Thickstun

Reading
Today's reading is from an article, actually a long book review in Christian Century called "American Heresies" by Lauren Winner. The book being reviewed is The Gospel According to America, by David Dark.

[Dark] illustrates neighborliness by way of a scene at his local Waffle House. There, a motley crew makes conversation, "sitting and talking over food and drink in a boisterous public place. What could be more exciting or egalitarian? No appeal to the court of fact has more resonance than another, everybody has to let everybody else finish speaking, and nobody's allowed to talk too terribly loud, because people are trying to eat in peace. You're welcome to bring the Bible or the president into it, but if you don't keep your ego at a reasonable volume, you can take your conversation elsewhere. . . . Those who make an appeal to religion had better be ready to explain themselves humbly and carefully. Good fellowship requires good-natured self-deprecation in all our testimonials."

What are the fruits of this "Waffle House Conversationalism"? Insofar as "they'll see each other again the next day, the regulars might find it hard to assert that the token liberal among them doesn't believe in family values or that the resident conservative hates poor people."

It is not more civility that we need, though civility is a fine thing, but more particulary knowledge of one another. More– dare we say it?– love.

Sermon

The classic story about what it means to be a good neighbor is the story of the Good Samaritan. As a prelude to the story, Jesus affirms that the way to a good life is to love God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind; and that you should love your neighbor as yourself. He is then asked, "And who is my neighbor?"

Jesus replies "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell into the hands of robbers, who stripped him, beat him, and went away, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a priest was going down that road; and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan while traveling came near him; and when he saw him, he was moved with pity. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, having poured oil and wine on them. Then he put him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said, ‘Take care of him; and when I come back, I will repay you whatever more you spend.' Which of these three, do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of the robbers?" He said, "The one who showed him mercy." Jesus said to him, "Go and do likewise." (Luke 10:25-37)

Go and do likewise. Show mercy to your neighbor. Look after the needs of your neighbor as you would look after your own needs. Be kind to your neighbor. Don't speak ill of your neighbor. Be civil and respectful in conversation with your neighbor.

In the story of the Good Samaritan, the fact that it was a Samaritan offering help to a Jew takes on much more significance when we know the relationship these two ancient peoples had to each other. They were once part of the same family, united under the leadership of the great kings, David and Solomon. On Solomon's death, however, the kindom was divided into the tribes of the Northern kingdom and the tribes of the Southern Kingdom. The northern kingdom was called Israel, and the southern kingdom was Judah. Judah contained Jerusalem and the house of David and had a more secure monarchy, but Israel was larger and more prosperous. A real animosity developed, such as can only develop between people who were once close. By the time of Jesus much later, the northerners were called Samaritans after the major city of Samaria. The Jews were people from the southern kingdom of Judah. Both claimed to be true descendants of the nation of Israel. My textbook on Understanding the Old Testament says "The remnant of the Northern Kingdom . . . and the descendants of the state of Judah were eventually divided by such deep rivalry that in New Testament times it could be said that ‘Jews have no dealings with Samaritans (John 4:9)." (p. 416)

So Jews and Samaritans were arch-enemies. And yet it was the Samaritan who tended to the Jew, not the priest or the Levite, members of the Jewish religious elite. These men had no time or inclination to help one of their own in need, but someone who might be considered an enemy found within himself the compassion and generosity to take care of this stranger, even sparing no expense.

Such compassion and generosity can be found among Americans today. The outpouring of help for the victims of the recent hurricanes has really been quite astounding. So many people are eager to do what they can when they hear of such devastation. September 11 was another example of how much generosity the people of this nation have when they are moved. I read an article recently, though, that suggested that our generosity is increasingly being tied to the perception of the sufferers being innocent victims. People give for victims of natural disasters or terrorism, but they're "losing interest in chronic problems such as poverty," which is sometimes seen as self-inflicted suffering.

Who is our neighbor? Our neighbors are those unfortunate victims of Katrina's wrath, but our neighbor is also the woman at the Shelterhouse whose husband beat her. Our neighbor is the young man from an African American neighborhood in Saginaw who has ended up in jail because he never learned proper ways to handle conflict. Our neighbor is the family trying to get by on one minimum wage job and no health insurance. Our neighbor is the family member we haven't spoken to in years who is now dying of cancer. Our neighbor is the colleague at work who is sabotaging everything we're trying to accomplish. Our neighbor is the writer of a letter to the editor of the local newspaper, who ridicules some firmly held belief of ours. Our neighbor is the school board member who is trying to get Intelligent Design taught on an equal basis with evolution in our schools. You get the idea.

In the story we are told we should love our neighbor as we love ourselves. Problem is– most of us don't love ourselves very much. That's what the first part is about – loving God, that part of us that is divine and that remains the core of our being no matter how much we mess up, how badly we behave, how much we hurt others. We need to love ourselves – that tender, caring, creative, beautiful, magnificent divinity within each and every one of us – and we need to love it with all of our heart, all of our soul, all our strength, and all our mind.

I believe if we can do that, then loving our neighbor comes easily.

Because loving the divine– or feeling loved by the divine, it amounts to the same thing– loving the divine brings with it a trust, a faith, that things are going to be alright; in spite of all the tragedy in the world, in spite of all the tragedy that sometimes befalls us and our loved ones. Loving the the divine, we can believe no matter what happens that we're OK and the world is still good. Loving the divine brings with it a sense of peace, our anxiety level goes down– we can see the world as good when we can believe in the absolute goodness of ourselves. Loving the divine, which is in us, makes it easy to see and to love the divine in others.

Sometimes it is harder to see the divine in some people. We all have people who push our buttons. We all feel there are others who see the world so differently from how we see it that they seem downright dangerous. Sometimes it's hard to see the good in others because we feel threatened and our fear takes over.

Fear is the opposite of love. Fear is what keeps us from being the trusting, loving creatures we were born to be. The less fear we feel, the more loving we are able to be. And the more we fear, the less we are able to speak or behave in a loving manner.

For example, I'm aware that I sometimes speak harshly of the religious right and of the political right as well. I've realized that when I do so, it's because I'm afraid. I've said mean things about our president, and I've said them because I'm afraid. I'm afraid because I believe that his policies and actions are destroying things I hold dear – things like the social security I'll need when I retire, or a decent education for every American, or the balance of life on our planet. These are real fears I have, and while it's perfectly OK and natural to be afraid, when I speak from my fears, I am not speaking lovingly. When I speak from my fear, I often say things I regret later.

It is possible for me to address these issues without bad-mouthing anybody. There is no need for me to attack the man or his political party or anybody. What I need to do to act in a loving manner to this neighbor or any neighbors, is to seek to understand them. My fears can be stilled by finding understanding of those who think differently.

Once we know our neighbors – people who are different, have different needs or think differently – once we know them and are in relationship with them, they become less intimidating, less foreign, more understandable. We can still disagree, but we don't need to fear them anymore. If we are in relationship, seeking understanding, seeking to overcome our fear, we can engage in conversation respectfully. When we know a person, it's harder to demonize them; harder to polarize our views on an issue and to believe in our own absolute rightness. Knowing people's stories helps us to understand them. We can understand their position when we can hear them tell us how they came to it, what in their experience led them to this conclusion.

The Waffle House conversation in the reading demonstrates this. Here are a bunch of guys who come from different walks of life, have different opinions and different needs. Yet because they see each other nearly every day in a public place, they've established certain standards for how they'll speak to each other. They don't talk too loudly, they don't interrupt, they don't attack each other verbally. They bring humility and good will to the conversation. They can overcome their fear of liberals or conservatives or what have you, because here is one right in front of them; it's just good old Joe, speaking rationally and respectfully. They can overcome their fears by being in relationship with their neighbors, and they can be in relationship because they have overcome their fears. It goes both ways.

So at the same time we are seeking to be in relationship and to understand our neighbors, we can also be trying to overcome our fears by finding that faith– that trust in the divine, loving core within each of us.

Fear is a natural and useful emotion– it tells us when we are in danger so that we can protect ourselves. But because we all experienced some wounding in childhood and developed fears and protective behavior around those wounds, we experience a lot of fear that doesn't serve us well, and in fact hinders us from being the whole, open and loving people we wish to be. We can discuss important issues on which we disagree in a civil manner, treating each other with the respect we all deserve, if we don't allow our fears to overshadow our mercy, our generosity of spirit.

Fear can be overcome by love. The more we can love ourselves, the more we can recognize that divine core within ourselves, the more we can love others and recognize the divine core within them. Seeing that we're wonderful, beautiful, loving and beloved, which we all are, gives us a sense of peace and trust that everything is, at bottom, OK. If we can approach others with the confidence that we are a loveable person, then we can deal with them without fear, without animosity, we can speak to them with respect, and indeed, even with love.

May we all feel that confidence that we are loveable, may we love our god within with all our heart, soul, strength, and mind, and may we reflect that love for ourselves in the love we show our neighbor.

The Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Midland is recognized by the Unitarian Universalist Association as a Welcoming Congregation. We welcome, affirm, promote and celebrate the full participation of all persons in all of our activities without regard to age, gender, sexual orientation, race or any other such category of exclusion.

Please feel free to contact us with any feedback, corrections or questions at jaham@delta.edu