What Hopes? What Dreams? What Purpose?
UU Fellowship of Midland, MI
November 12, 2006
Jane Thickstun

Reading

Today’s reading is called “Set in Stone,” by Victoria Safford.  It’s from her meditation manual called Walking Toward Morning.

In a cemetary once, an old one in New England, I found a strangely soothing epitaph.  The name of the deceased and her dates had been scoured away by wind and rain, but there was a carving of at tree with roots and branches (a classic nineteenth-century motif) and among them the words, “She attended well and faithfully to a few worthy things.”  At first this seemed to me a little meager, a little stingy on the part of her survivors, but I wrote it down and have thought about it since, and now I can’t imagine a more proud or satisfying legacy.

“She attended well and faithfully to a few worthy things.”

Every day I stand in danger of being struck by lightning and having the obituary in the local paper say, for all the world to see, “She attended frantically and ineffectually to a great many unimportant, meaningless details.”

How do you want your obituary to read?

“He got all the dishes washed and dried before playing with his children in the evening.”

“She balanced her checkbook with meticulous precision and never missed a day of work – missed a lot of sunsets, missed a lot of love, missed a lot of risk, missed a lot – but her money was in order.”

“She answered all her calls, all her e-mail, all her voice-mail, but along the way she forgot to answer the call to service and compassion, and forgiveness, first and foremost of herself.”

“He gave and forgave sparingly, without radical intention, without passion or conviction.”

“She could not, or would not, hear the calling of her heart.”

How will it read, how does it read, and if you had to name a few worthy things to which you attend well and faithfully, what, I wonder, would they be?

Sermon

            Why is it that it often seems easier to attend to the details of life than to make time for the really important things?

            I am certainly guilty of it – I have a tendency to want to get the little things out of the way first.  It feels like those little tasks will nag at me until I get them done.  If I do them first, so I reason, then I can relax and devote myself more fully to the big things, the important things.

            For instance, how could I ever write a sermon with a dirty kitchen?  Or unread email?  Of course, the newspaper has to be read ever day, no matter what else I’m trying to get to. 

            This tendency shows itself even in how I cover the topics in a Committee on Ministry meeting.  How could we ever have time to get back to the little, informational items if we tackle the big issues first?

            It helps me to remember a story I got somewhere years ago, that I’ve since seen in different forms:

            As this man stood in front of the group of high-powered overachievers he said, “Okay, time for a quiz.” Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed mason jar and set it on a table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, “Is this jar full?” Everyone in the class said, “Yes.”

            Then he said, “Really?”  He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks.

            Then he smiled and asked the group once more, “Is the jar full?”  By this time the class was onto him. “Probably not”, one of them answered. “Good”, he replied.

            And he reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in and it went into all the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, “Is this jar full?” The class shouted, “No”. Once again he said, “Good”..

            Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked up at the class and asked, “What is the point of this illustration?”

            One eager beaver raised his hand and said, “The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some more things into it”.

            “No”, the speaker replied. “That's not the point.”

            “The truth is that, this illustration teaches us: If you don't put the big rocks in first, you'll never get them in at all.”

            So what are the big rocks in your life? Time with loved ones? Your education? A project that you want to accomplish?  Your Unitarian Universalist faith? Service to a cause?

            (Pause)

            This story came up in the Adult Religious Education class on Our UU Story that met this fall.  It came up when we were discussing a series of questions, called “Faith Questions,” by James Fowler.  These are some tough questions that really require a lot of time for reflection, but I’ll share them with you now, and you can get a start on the reflection process.

            (Read slowly, with pauses)

What are you spending and being spent for?
What commands and receives your best time, your best energy?
What causes, dreams, goals, and institutions are you pouring out your life for?
As you live your life, what powers do you fear or dread?
As you live your life, what powers do you rely on and trust?
To what or whom are you committed in life or in death?
With whom do you share your most sacred and private hopes?
What are your hopes, goals, and purposes in life?
What are your hopes, goals, and purposes in life?

            If you believe, like I do, that we only get one shot at life, then it matters how we spend it.  Are you giving your best time and energy to the big rocks in your life?  Are you pouring out your life – using your finite time on Earth– for causes, dreams and goals you are committed to?  Have you ever stopped long enough to think about it?

            An article in the most recent UU World talks about what makes a meaningful life.  Author John Graham works for an organization called Giraffe Heroes Project that inspires people to stick their necks out for the common good by telling stories of others who have done so.

            Graham says that “What we’ve found over nearly two decades of Giraffe work is that people who lead meaningful lives don’t find that meaning in possessions or positions; they find it in carrying out personal commitments to ideals bigger than themselves and their own needs.  And the most consistent, powerful, lasting meaning comes from commitment to ideals of service, of working for the common good.” (Winter 2006, p. 15)

            When our efforts benefit a common good, when they benefit others beyond ourselves, they bring us a measure of fulfillment.

            Unitarian Universalist minister Richard Kellaway says that “work moves from compulsion to devotion when activity becomes the instrument of some greater purpose.” (The Trying Out, p. 41) In other words, when our efforts serve a cause that is good for others, then work becomes something we do not because we have to, but because we are devoted to it.  And it need not be a grand gesture.

            The bigger goals, like world peace or ending poverty, or even universal health care in America, are things we know we can’t achieve in our lifetime, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t worthy goals.  That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t hope for them and work toward them.  But there is worth and meaning in small steps, in the devotion we bring to the work.

            Kellaway says, “How much I respect those who achieve great satisfaction through doing small duties!  The world is filled with persons with little power and no great talent who through devotion and concern enhance the quality of life for others.”  And, “No matter how successful we may be in our daily work, or how engrossed, our worth cannot be measured by the quantity of our output; fulfillment is found in the quality of our devotion to a life of service.” (p. 41)

            A small woman who made a big impact in the world agrees.  Mother Teresa has said many times “We can do no great things; only small things with great love.”  She saw herself as a person with little power and no great talent, but through her devotion and concern she enhanced the lives of many others. Though Mother Teresa won the Nobel Peace Prize and traveled all over the world on speaking engagements later in life, her purpose in life was to serve the poor and the broken, one at a time, by feeding them, but also by touching them, talking to them, showing them she respected their inherent worth and dignity.

            Another great sage, Robert Fulghum, who wrote All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, describes in another book how he fits in the big rocks among the sand and gravel of his life.  He says:

            “As of this writing, . . . I figure in my life so far I have spent 35,000 hours eating, 30,000 hours in traffic getting from one place to another, 2,508 hours brushing my teeth, 870,000 hours just coping with odds and ends, filling out forms, mending, repairing, paying bills, getting dressed and undressed, reading papers, attending committee meetings, being sick, and all that kind of stuff.  And 217,000 hours at work.  There’s not a whole lot left over when you get finished adding and subtracting.  The good stuff has to be fitted in somewhere, or else the good stuff has to come at the very same time we do all the rest of the stuff.

            “Which is why I often say that I don’t worry about the meaning of life– I can’t handle that big stuff.  What concerns me is the meaning in life– day by day, hour by hour, while I’m doing whatever it is that I do.  What counts is not what I do, but how I think about myself while I’m doing it.” (It Was on Fire When I Lay Down on It, p, 69-70)

            Maybe having a meaningful life is more a matter of finding meaning in the tasks we’re doing.  There’s something Zen-like in that approach – Chop wood, carry water.  The key is that we do something that benefits others besides ourselves.  That we can see our lives as serving a greater purpose than our own survival.

            So what are your big rocks?  How would you like your obituary to read?  As the poet Mary Oliver says, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

The Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Midland is recognized by the Unitarian Universalist Association as a Welcoming Congregation. We welcome, affirm, promote and celebrate the full participation of all persons in all of our activities without regard to age, gender, sexual orientation, race or any other such category of exclusion.

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